I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
