Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Randomize
