I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
