I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I just had sex on a roof
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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