i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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