i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
