Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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