i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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