one might say we're banned from that church
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
