Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
