I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
