tell your sister to shave her snatch
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
