I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
im six kinds of drunk right now
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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