I'm drive I can fine osifer
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
