I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
