I wanna passion pit in your ass
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
