I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
