I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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