is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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