frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
