you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
