I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
