if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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