Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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