omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
