HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She said her name was "party"
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
