even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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