I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
