I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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