Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
