if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
