Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize