i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
