I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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