I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
