I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
