whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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