dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
