he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
