Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
