my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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