I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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