Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
