what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
