I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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