He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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