I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Randomize
