Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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