She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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