u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
