Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
