Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
