dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
