He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
