yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
