Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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