you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
