It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How's work?
Spinning.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
