Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
