Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
