A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
