i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I need moral support for this bender
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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