i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
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Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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