I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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