Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
