Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We named our party play list daddy issues
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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