After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
